And 38 isn’t old! I’ll be 40 this year and I’m just getting started! I still feel like a work in progress and I think that’s how it should be.

I’ve watched the night line episode, read all the comments there and browsed through your site here. I wasn’t going to post but I’ve decided that I wanted to get a few things out so here I am.

Congrats on your transition and most of all I am very happy that you have a wife who not only loves you unconditionally but understands that you simply cannot help who you fall in love with.

With that said the one constant issue that keeps popping up in this judgment of you is the idea that you are selfish, I guess people just don’t get it or are unwilling to admit their bias is based in the gender issue and not the issue of family.

I too am TG and in process of transitioning. Like you I am married and have a spouse who not only loves me but understands that this transition is to ensure a quality of life that will afford me longevity and happiness. If anything my wife had encouraged this more and more as she has seen the positive changes in my attitude and overall happiness. So, does my transition under those circumstances make me selfish? Maybe but then every other human being that expects me to live in their definition of my being is selfish as well.

Feeling whole, happy and at peace with yourself will only create a better family unit in the long run and it will teach a new generation about diversity. People get so caught up in their own uncomfortable feelings about things that they use children as a means to justify their disagreement. Let’s face it, children are innocent enough that if they are brought up open and unashamed of it then this whole type of issue is really a non-issue. Children have the ability to look past the superficial ….

Anyway I wanted to congratulate you on not only your transition but the idea that you want to make it better for others by being public, it’s an honorable thing to do.

In closing I wanted to mention another part of your blog that struck me as humorous. I’m from just North of Boston and I’m well aware of the Boston guy speak you mentioned. I have to admit though, my daughters accent is much worse than mine and she is a GG ..LOL … I’ve never totally noticed a difference here in the guy/girl accent .. but maybe that’s because I simply don’t hear it like someone who isn’t here all the time …

You go girl and oh yeah .. Go Sox!

Karyn

PS Check my blog link out, I’ll be happy to add you as a link if you like

One question, are you going to continue the blog?

Fondly,
Sharon

Megan>> Thanks Sharon! Well, as to your question, yes, I am planning on continuing the blog as long as a) I have anything to say and b) people are interested. So… I hope I can be creative!

Megan>> Hmm… again, I’m a big fan of free speech, but it’s bi-directional.

From Dictionary.com:

cu·ri·ous [kyoor-ee-uhs]–adjective
1. eager to learn or know; inquisitive.
2. prying; meddlesome.
3. arousing or exciting speculation, interest, or attention through being inexplicable or highly unusual; odd; strange: a curious sort of person; a curious scene.

I’m not sure what you are “Just Curious” about, since you seem to be making a statement, but I’ll try to address these statements in order:

“You seem really self-indulgent”

Again, from Dictionary.com:

self-in·dul·gent [self-in-duhl-juhnt, self-] –adjective
1. indulging one’s own desires, passions, whims, etc., esp. without restraint.
2. characterized by such indulgence.

I’m curious, and I really am, have you read my blog, or just this one post? If you had, I think you would see how hard of a decision that this was for me to both face how I felt (gender dichotomy), and then to tell Anh how I felt, and then together with her decide on the right course of action.

I did none of those things lightly, or “without restraint”.

Now, you could say that you don’t agree – but you need to be clear on which step you think was inappropriate:
- engaging in a theraputic course to better understand my thoughts and feelings on my gender identity
- telling Anh that I had gender identity issues (and to be clear, thats what I told her initially – not that I was going to do *anything*).
- deciding to transition, based on both how I felt, and a desire by both Anh and I to resolve this conflict that I was having internally

“At the ripe old age of 38, you finally realize who you are…”

Two things here… I’m 38 – true – but “ripe [and] old”, now thats a low blow… I hope to have at least as many good years left.

As far as it taking me about 30 years to come to term with this – yes, totally true. It did. Do I regret it taking me this long to come to grips with this? Of course I do.

“…decide that both your children and your new wife just have to accept it.”

Well, these are two different issues now, aren’t they?

As for Anh, I think there is a fair amount of confusion on this point, as the ABC story got this part wrong. When I told Anh, what I told her was how I felt. I didn’t have a pre-baked plan. We worked it out together. In many ways, Anh’s POV was to accelerate the transition, and not just be in a “middle state” for an indefinate period of time. At any point, she was free to not accept it, and not stay with me. If you knew Anh, you would know this to be true – she’s one of the strongest people I’ve ever known (and I think if you read the blog, you’d get that as well).

As for the kids, this is true. They didn’t have a choice. And this is where reasonable people can disagree. I know that many people believe that once you have kids, till they are young adults and out of the house, you should orient your life around them. Effectively, “optimize around the kids”. Neither Anh nor I agree with this perspective. Certainly, the kids are critically important, and we try very hard to give them what they need to be healthy children and also well-adjusted adults. We do not believe that parents should subsume their own identities or lives in order to shield the kids. Rather, we believe that by exposing them to a broad range of experiences (e.g. we travel with all the kids extensively, in order to provide them exposure to all that this world is) – and not attempting to shield them from “bad” experiences that they will then grow up as more well rounded adults. This doesn’t mean that we just throw them to the wolves… this means that we consider carefully how to expose them to the fullness of life.

Now, if you just believe that having a transgender parent is an utter tragedy, then this is not reconcileable. We do not believe it must be a tragedy, and we have tried our best to help them come to terms with this, and I think we’ve done pretty well.

“Shame on you for not dealing with your issues sooner…”

Yes, I should have dealt with this sooner. I do not feel proud of myself that I didn’t come out earlier. This is a double edged sword however. If I had, then perhaps neither Peri, nor John nor Samwich would exist. Would that be better? Again, read the blog. Make your own conclusions about the three of them, and how they will impact society in the future – I think it will be for the better.

“… and dragging in these innocent people”

I think this is covered above.

“I bet your first wife is quite relieved.”

About what? About the fact that we were already divorced when I came out? About the fact that I came out?

——————————-

I don’t provide this “response” to be defensive, or to attempt to defend myself, but only to educate. As I’ve said before, if you really try to understand what I’ve done and not done (reading the *whole* blog is a good way to do this), and at the end, you believe that I’m just a bad person, then fine. May you live your life in peace and happiness, and not worry about the likes of me.

Over the past few days, as you can imagine, I’ve seen a number of exceptionally negative comments about me and my family. I’d ask those that are so negative to think carefully about their position – is it about being anti-transgender people in general? Is it about not believing that trans-people actually feel that they are wrongly-gendered? Is it about believing that even if you feel this way (after extensive therapy), that you still should not transition if it will impact any other people? Or is it just the particular facts of my circumstance?

I am genuinely curious.

I also feel genuinely sorry for those not willing to at least entertain that the feelings, experience and choices of another person may not be their own, but at the same time, may still be real, deeply felt, and even perhaps at least as relevant as their own.

I have two children, a 13yo son and 11yo daughter, who both do not yet know about me. My wife has known for over a year, as I have been making changes during that time through hormones and hair removal. My hair has grown out fairly long, and through HRT I do look somewhat feminine. My kids have seen the transition gradually and for the most part have not thought much of it. There have been instances where someone has referred to me as “ma’am” in front of my family, even though I was dressed in male clothing and no makeup. My daughter thinks it is funny, but did not say much else about it. My son never seems to react to it at all.

I did take one opportunity to educate them, when I overheard my son telling my daughter about a boy in school who dressed like a girl. He thought it was “weird”, so I sat them down (with my wife’s permission) in front of the TV, which was connected to a computer, and showed them the Barbara Walter’s special about transgender kids that was on YouTube. Both sat through it without making any faces, and afterwards when asked what they thought just said they understood, with no other questions. My message to them was that others may be different but they are just people.

So thanks again for sharing, and I look forward to reading more about your experiences.