About M( )
Hello there… I’m currently going through my personal transition from male to female, and this is my blog (initially mostly for friends and family, but now pretty darn public) to describe the process….
My Bio
Born Feb ‘69 in Boston to John and Hilda, the third of three kids (two older sisters, Nancy and Sheila who are ten and eleven years older). We all lived in Abington, MA back then, but before I was 9, we’d lived in Huntington Harbor, NY, Alexandria, VA, Mystic, CT, then settled in North Kingstown, RI.
I had a pretty suburban, middle class childhood. And yes, I “knew” even back then.
I went to Bishop Hendricken High School (catholic, all boys – ironic now for two reasons – a) I’m an atheist b) Will no longer be a “boy” soon. This Thanksgiving is the 20th class reunion – wouldn’t that be deliciously fun?)
When I was 16, pretty much out of nowhere, my lungs collapsed, and I almost didn’t make it. That sucked.
After a year of recovering from that unfortunate detour, things got pretty much back to normal.
I went to college in lovely Worcester, MA (where they still make David Clark Aviation Headsets – personal fave) at WPI. I played volleyball, and worked as a dev. I often think that the working part was more important than the school part. My grades reflected that.
After college, I worked in Cambridge at “Intersolv” – which is no longer there. One of my favorite work stories of all time – Intersolv was a company formed by merging Index Technology (where I had worked) and Sage Software from Rockville, MD (look, Michael Stipe was right – do not, and I mean do not go back to Rockville).
Index was a typical PRC (People’s Republic of Cambridge) company. People centric, lots of characters, did the “right” thing. The culture clash between Index and Sage was just huge. In any case…. we have this big meeting in Cambridge to talk about the reorg. In this meeting, the new CEO is unveling the new name…. and we get “Intersolv”. He says:
“Intersolv… made up of two words – ‘Inter’ meaning ‘together’ and ’solv’ meaning…. well, to solve.”
Brilliant.
It went downhill from there.
Seven years later, just after getting married (first time), I got a job at Microsoft and hauled west.
In very typical Microsoft fashion, the group I got hired into got reorged in the six weeks between getting hired and when I came out to start. But, the reorged group was super cool – it was the “Trident” team, which was the new HTML rendering engine that was being built for Internet Explorer 4. I worked on IE from ‘96 until 2001.
In ‘98, our first child was born – “Peri”. Yes, just Peri – not short for anything. But, she is my little ‘winkle.
In 2000, child number two (only in birth order 
– websites are forever) was born – “John”. John’s knowlege of all things Star Wars puts me to shame.
I started flight lessons just as John was born, and got my Private, and then an Instrument rating. Flying is still a passion, and a great way to get away (literally, and figuratively).
In early 2002, unfortunately my marriage ended, and we went our separate ways.
After my time working on Internet Explorer (loved it), I worked on Windows Vista (yes, its good). One of the things my team did was the shiny glass borders on the windows….
In 2005, I was remarried – wow. Anh is amazing.
Last summer, just after we found out Anh was pregnant, my dad died. He had been on dialysis for a long time after a failed kidney transplant, and decided that he had enough. That was hard.
Earlier this year, Daniel – aka “Sandwich” was born.
Why Sandwich? Well, when we told Peri and John that they were going to have a sibling, Peri says:
“I think I will call the baby ‘It’, because I don’t know if its a boy or a girl.”
Us: “Ok, that sounds great Peri”
John: (with big grin) “I’m going to call it ‘Sandwich’!”
Us: “Uh, why John?”
John: “Because its funny!”
Sandwich (or Samwich, or The Sandwich, or Manwich) it is!
This summer we moved from the ‘burbs to the city at Anh’s request – and its been great (except for the commute).
Which brings us pretty much up to today. Still at Microsoft, still married, still have three kids, lots of stuff is the same. Except…
Tobin Burgess said,
November 14, 2007 at 1:07 pm
I loved reading your blog . . . answers a lot of questions I have. Your bravery in being this open is incredible. Hey, if you have any questions about MS benefits, let me know.
Hang in there
Tobin
C. E. said,
December 23, 2007 at 4:27 pm
Glad you created this blog. I had heard the news 2nd-hand and was curious to find out more. Your experience is very interesting and it’s nice of you to share it.
Two years ago I probably would have had a negative opinion of what you’ve gone. But after reading a nueroscience textbook and a genetics textbook I find myself having a positive opinion of what you’ve done. Not that it’s my position to have an opinion on what other people do or that it’s any of my business to have an opinion, but we all have our judgemental thoughts even if we don’t express them.
I really share your rant regarding “Always/Never”. I find it annoying how over-used they are.
Why “M()” and not “M*”?
Send me email if you want to hear about the facts I learned about the brain and genetics that have fundamentally altered how I react and think about transgender.
Also, please keep posting about how people react in public and your takes on what goes on in people heads etc…. I’m really curious to hear about people’s behavior and reactions. I’m really surprised that with a woman’s chest some people would still react to you as a man. I find myself constantly having the impulse to look at women’s cheasts (I try not to! but I really do have that impulse!) so I would have thought cheast would be a big input into the brain’s “gender-o-meter”. I’m thinking gait has more of an impact than voice.
It almost sounds like you don’t have a strong desire to “act” female now, or are there certain behaviors that you are now relived you can do (that are considered “female”)?
Gotta run!
Teresa said,
January 18, 2008 at 12:23 am
Hi, Our daughter has a classmate whose 6 year old brother has decided that he’d like to present himself as female. His mother shared with me that her son was a very angry toddler, except for when he was dressed in clothing for girls. There were other indicators, too. She said that friends told her that this was a developmental phase and that he’d “outgrow” this interest. Well, she and her husband have come to realize that it’s not “just a phase.” She said that she’d have battles with her son over what to wear in public, and one day she took him to the store where to the left there was clothing for girls and to the right clothing for boys. She said to him, “All right, from where do you want to pick your clothing?” Her son chose clothing from the left side, and that was that. He attends a pretty progressive school where they get a ton of support. She has a phenomenal pediatrician who supports them, too. This is a lot of background for my question, please forgive. Given that you “‘knew’ even back then” is there anything you might be able to share with this mom as she and her family transition with her son? She described them as heading off into this new frontier with their son leading the coach, uncertain as to where they’ll end up. Feel free to respond outside of your blog. Thanks, Teresa
SarahR said,
January 18, 2008 at 11:03 am
@Teresa.
Lynn Connway has a great page on transitioning early in life:
http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/TS-IIa.html#anchor184279
even an autobiographic book is on the page http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html
marj said,
January 26, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Several questions:
1) Why not hormonal therapy?
2) Why not go the “whole way”?
3) If you are now happy, why are you concerned about the current outcome, ie, “passing”?
Thank you!!
>> Hi Marj –
Let me see if I can answer your questions:
1. Why not hormonal therapy?
I’m not sure what you mean by this exactly – did you mean “more male hormones”? or “female hormones”?
My hormone levels were normal for a male… so there weren’t hormones that I would take to try to “cure” me of GID. I don’t know of any study or research that shows a correlation between current hormone levels (low/high) and GID.
But, I’ve been on a combo of estrogen, progesterone and proscar (finasteride) for a while now. These have pretty significant feminizing effects over time (smoother/softer skin, fat distribution, breast development, less body hair, stopping/reversing (a little bit) male pattern baldness, and some breast development).
However, if your question is why did I have implants or FFS (and laser and electrolysis), well for FFS, hormones don’t change bones… FFS is all about bony work (I’ve posted a ton about what I had done…. I won’t repeat it here). Implants, well, those do what hormones won’t do completely do. I was an “A-” cup before, even after nearly a year… C after.
2. Why not go “the whole way?”
If by that you mean why don’t I want “bottom surgery” or GRS… well there’s three answers there. The first is that I don’t feel that it’s neccessary for me. I am totally happy about where I am right now “in the whitespace between the checky boxes”. Secondly, since I don’t feel like I need it – its more surgery – why do it? Third, and I don’t mean this to be flippant, but what I decide to do here is a private choice between me and Anh.
3. If you are now happy, why are you concerned about the current outcome, ie, “passing”?
There’s so much in this question… let me first say that I am “happy” – without any sort of qualification. I *love* my life….
On the second part, yes, I write a lot about if I pass or not, and what that experience is like. As I’ve said a bunch before in this space, I (and others I know) find the sociological side of transitioning to be very interesting. Its fascinating to see how people react (or don’t)… Not too often you get to run a sociological ‘[experiment of this scale on yourself! (before anyone hops on the “experiment” word – I’m referring to noting reactions, not changing gender – that wasn’t an experiment).
Secondly, and unfortunately, not “passing” sometimes has unfortunate side effects. I wanted people to see me first as “Megan”, not as “wha?”…. This was about the ease of navigating society in general. Interestingly though, as I continue to note, even when I don’t “pass”, I still haven’t encountered significant issues. So, this is less important than I originally thought it would.
Third, and most simply, who doesn’t want to look their best?
Hope this answers your questions, if not, please just repost!
Regards,
- Megan
PS Eyebrow waxing – succesful!
Malana Summers said,
March 6, 2008 at 8:52 am
Congrats, Megan!
Keep well and happy! Welcome to the sorority!
Malana
California
suceessfully transitioned on-the-job in the public schools in 2000
Charlie said,
March 9, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Hello Megan,
Thank you for making this blog. It has provided more information to the big picture I am trying to solve. Here is some background info. I live in a part of Georgia where diversity has difficulty growing. I love my job here. I work as a network admin for the DoD and prior to that I was an INFOSEC analyst. I have been trying to run from the trans feelings all my life and have jumped from various activities to stay distracted. I decided not to fight the feeling anymore and I am currently, albeit slowly, starting transition. I have decided to relocate to the Seattle area. Among other reasons, one being I love the place, I have accepting family there. I will be making a stop overseas in the process, but I plan on beginning my new life when I arrive. Among my many interests is also flying. I worked hard on obtaining my certificate and I plan to take it to at least a part time professional level. I so enjoy sharing the experience with others. I even was a member of CAP. Now that I have said all that. I was wondering how your experience with the AME was, if you have had one since? I know there are trans airline pilots so it doesn’t appear as a problem, but know one has stated if they ran into any speed bumps.
Thanks
CP
Megan>> I haven’t gotten a new medical yet, as mine hasn’t expired, so I’m not sure if it will or won’t be a problem yet. I don’t think it will be as the FAA has a whole process around changing your gender on your license and medical….
best of luck to you!
Barbara Weeks-Marshall said,
March 9, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Ms. Wallent or if I may be permitted, Megan,
I wanted to let you know how very much I was moved by your story and touched by your courage. It takes bravery to be true to yourself and to live your life with the knowledge of who you are. You have taught your children a lesson in courage and dignity as well as respect for those who may walk a different path, may be disabled or simply feel there is a different way to live.
I am a disabled veteran … I commend your bravery and courage.
I hope we will talk at some point. May God bless you and your family. May peace surround you.
Michelle Blanc said,
March 17, 2008 at 11:45 am
Alright, alright…
I needed a boost to start my own transitionning blog. You just gave it to me. I already came out on my professional blog and spoke now and then about some issues but I guess, there is a need to develop a bit more the “sociological side” and other aspects of that transition. I’ll come now and then to see how you are doing and I congratulate you on the courage it took to go on nationwide televison about your GID.
Yours truly
Michelle
Bob said,
March 21, 2008 at 10:39 pm
Hi Megan,
I tried to email you 2X. Once i lost it while submitting. I rewrote another positive, encouraging, and heartfelt note and sent that and I HAVE NO IDEA IF YOU GOT THAT ONE.
Do you acknowledge that you receive the email? Even if an auto response would be helpful just to let me know that the email was received.
Our family wishes the best for your family. Best wishes always, Bob and family
Megan>> Hi Bob! Something got weird w/the wordpress comment notifier, and I just saw this one, but didn’t see the last comment that you posted until now…. As for replying, since the comments are moderated, if you see the comment posted, I saw it. I probably comment on about half of the comments inline… I do reply at times, and especially if there is a question! I appreciate the kind thoughts!
Frances said,
March 23, 2008 at 11:22 pm
Megan:
I was refered to your blog by Jana. I have enjoyed reading all of it. It has taken much courage to put your life online for others to read. But by doing so it has given other hope that there is light at the end of tunnel and its not a freight train coming at you.
Thanks
Frances
Megan>> Thanks Frances! I admire your ability to read verbose, sometimes blabbery stuff!
I’m glad you found it useful…. that makes it all worth it, really….
- Megan
Etti said,
June 8, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Really proud of you.
Can I mention your story to my students in the Cross-Cultural Psych class?
Etti
Cass said,
July 11, 2008 at 10:49 am
Hi Megan,
Found your site through Microspotting, and want to write and say THANK YOU! It is so uplifting to read about someone who is out at work and working it out! I’m a young-ish FTM and am stealth at work for a lot of reasons, its hard to see being out as a possiblity very often anymore. Your willingness to be open about yourself is great! I’m sorry if this message is a little weird
I just felt like I should say something. You don’t need an executive assistant do you?
Thanks again!
Cass (Seattle)
Lisa said,
October 8, 2008 at 12:57 am
Hi Megan,
Somehow or another I found my way to your blog a few days ago. It fascinates me!
I am a lesbian, so I can relate to “knowing” something, but not knowing (or acknowledging) at the same time . Anyway, I’ve read through every post and like Waldo, Where’s Megan? I want more!!!!
Lisa
morgan said,
February 2, 2009 at 3:34 pm
Think it’s awesome that you aren’t feeling pressured to do ‘bottom’ surgery, despite the legal mess it causes….as an anthropologist, i see that in many cultures one can switch genders through dress and occupation and other signals, and that it’s not the equipment that makes one a particular gender. For some reason, our society has gone surgical: i think it makes other people feel less uncomfortable…but i have a feeling that in the future it won’t be seen as necessary at all…
stacy paczan said,
April 22, 2009 at 11:21 am
wow! thanks for being you.