Responses
In telling people about my situation, sometimes both the telling and the responses go from the serious to the just plain funny. If you see your reply below, please please please don’t be offended. I literally got hundreds of replies to my mail to the company, and these were some of the most interesting and different. I love them all.
Me: (to my then boss) “I’ve got a new committment I’d like to make for next year. I’d like to help you improve the diversity of your staff, and I’m going to start with me.”
Reponse from co-worker: “When I first saw this mail – I thought someone was playing a practical joke on you. And if that is the case – ignore my mail below… and we can all laugh about it together…
Response from co-worker: “Well I have had all kinds of friends in my 48 years, and I like to fancy myself as pretty intuitive when it comes to people, and pretty open-minded. But I must say I didn’t see this one coming at all, so that was the shock part. You’re either very good at hiding, or I am a lot more clueless than I thought. ”
Conversation with friend and co-worker: “You have 38 seconds to tell me that you are kidding. If you don’t tell me you are kidding in that time, and you ever in the future tell me that you are, I will beat the crap out of you. <pause> You aren’t kidding, are you? Damn.”
Thread with long time co-worker and friend, who had just recieved my “announcement” mail. (read from the bottom)
From:V
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 11:10 AM
To: Michael Wallent
Subject: RE: me
No doubt – glad to hear that!
From: Michael Wallent
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 11:09 AM
To: V
Subject: RE: me
No prob… I still gamble and drink too… <g>
From: V
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 11:01 AM
To: Michael Wallent
Subject: RE: me Gotcha – if you don’t mind, I will ask more questions as I think of them…
From: Michael Wallent
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:58 AM
To: V
Subject: RE: me
That’s better… Ok, I didn’t say anything about surgery, but after thanksgiving, I’m having facial surgery (nothing else). That isn’t covered. SRS you can only have after living for a year in your new gender, but I’m not planning on having that (long, very very personal) - Michael
From: V
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:55 AM
To: Michael Wallent
Subject: RE: me Flabbergasted, then? Couple more questions: When is the “operation” and is it covered by Premera?
From: Michael Wallent
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:52 AM
To: V
Subject: RE: me
You can’t write “speechless”. Its an oxymoron.
From: V
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:51 AM
To: Michael Wallent
Subject: RE: me Yes, I absolutely did… Alright, wow, I am absolutely speechless…
From: Michael Wallent
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:49 AM
To: V
Subject: RE: me
Um… did you READ the mail. I wrote it, its true. Really. No bullshit.
From: V
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:47 AM
To: Michael Wallent
Subject: RE: me Lol- Marcia? Ok, seriously what is going on?
From: Michael Wallent
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:46 AM
To: V
Subject: RE: me
I hate that other M name. its dead to me.As far as the hair, yes… you got it.
From: V
Sent: Tuesday, September 11, 2007 10:43 AM
To: Michael Wallent
Subject: RE: me
Megan? You seem more like a Michelle to me… Is that why you have been growing out your hair?
Christine said,
November 30, 2007 at 8:05 am
M()~ Am I grandfathered in for Michael? Can I call you both? I’m afraid that I will be mispeaking when I say either… (If I say Megan, it will feel like lack of history with you as Michael, yet insulting you if I don’t call you Megan…) Maybe we can be like Rosie to Madonna. Rosie just calls her M. British tabloids call her Madge (Madonna that is – although Rosie looks a little like a Madge).
Seriously, I am thinking about you – wishing you the very best recovery. As I have had numerous nose surgeries, I can say the nose parts heal quickly… Lots of ice (or frozen peas).
Val Ditore said,
December 1, 2007 at 11:09 pm
Okay, just wrote you a bunch…apparently hit a wrong key…don’t know where it went…if anywhere. Even full of drugs, you are so much better at this technology stuff than I am.
So I will retype.
Megan,
All of this is amazing! Okay, so you don’t look all that amazing just yet…but by breakfast on Jan 2, I’m sure even that will fall into that category. You have said to me several times how lucky you felt. What is so obvious from reading through this and you letting me be part of your experience is how much love and support you really do have from Anh, your Mom and sisters, your kids, and your many, many friends. You know what?? You ARE lucky but a person gets back what they put out into the world, as well. It is wonderful. (Just watch the female/male–hugs with “Paul”…sounds like they could be painful for awhile longer.)
Can’t wait to continue to follow along. I know telling you to take it slow and easy is a waste of my time so I will tell you to listen to your body, at least. Talk with you more soon.
-Val
M.A. Pomputius said,
December 2, 2007 at 10:04 pm
Hi, Megan! We’re back from France and have now had a chance to read your blog — amazing stuff!! And you look surprisingly terrific for everything you’ve been through. Like a train wreck, sure, but like a GIRL that’s been in a train wreck….
Our love and (ginger) hugs to you; love and more robust hugs to Anh –
M.A. and Walter
Debra & Ramona said,
December 5, 2007 at 7:48 pm
Hi Megan,
We just wanted to drop a note to say we have been thinking of you. We are out of the country for Ramona’s birthday but will call you over the weekend…meantime glad all has gone well. See U next week!
Debra
Meredith Bacon said,
December 6, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Hi Megan,
Congratulations and welcome to a wonderful community. I too am an alumna of Dr. O and later of Marci Bowers. My spouse Lynne and I have been together for nearly forty years. I am Professor of Political Science at the University of Nebraska at Omaha but I am also Chair of the Board of Directors of the National Center for Transgender Equality in Washington, our community voice in DC. Look us up. We do great things.
Meredith Bacon
frodo441 said,
December 8, 2007 at 6:49 am
ee’gad’s don’t be so bloody pejorative…write about the value of your experience in a factual sense of who you are as an individual…that is the true personal experience…not the ancillary qualifications of domesticity…but the sublime and superlative nature in and out of existence in all the sentience of being alive with pictures and poetry…the mechanism is all to familiar to us…have found factual premise in dark void of time and space?
>> From Megan.
Wow, I’m really surprised that you found what I wrote perjorative to anyone or anything. I’d really love to know what it was (maybe the whole darn thing) that made you think that. My whole purpose here was to talk not just about mechanics sometimes, but how I feel sometimes, but also how I experience how others experience me sometimes. Would love to really understand… Sorry you had a bad experience.
Jill Alles said,
December 10, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Hi Megan,
I worked at MS for nearly 9 years although I don’t know that our paths crossed enough for us to remember each other. I have been following your story, and I want to thank you for sharing your experience. You and your family have given me a lot to think about. I’ve tried putting myself in both your position and in your wife’s position, and both feel very difficult to me. I respect and admire the relationship that you have with each other.
Your blog entry about shopping reminded me about my favorite shoe website: http://www.zappos.com They carry tons of larger shoe sizes for women, have free shipping and returns, and post customer reviews of shoes. They have a designer and a couture section of the site too. Hope you like it!
Thanks again for sharing your experience and thoughts.
Jill Alles
frodo441 said,
December 10, 2007 at 6:09 pm
…your diary didn’t hurt at all…I just had moments of hesitation when I thought I was going to be “tongue lashed”…and I didn’t understand that you must feel vulnerable…as far as the “typhoid” bit and the baby splatter…I’d loose…it is uncharacteristically self ignominious flaring that is not readily understood (in the lack of emotion) regarding bits and bytes in this medium…good luck my love prayers and positive invocation believes in the best happiness and fulfillment for you…and please don’t refer to do’da’ as blubberneck thing!
Megan >> Wow. Thanks! You totally got it. Nuff Said. Takes a big person to admit that they maybe were a bit off on something, and in my book, you move to the top of the queue.
Remember, Samwich is really my third kid (and my only w/Anh). Sometimes I give him a hard time because I love him so. Believe me, the 40 people who he infected called him much worse (e.g, Demon Baby, or just “Dammit Samwich, don’t get any closer!”). He’s better now, and we are all glad.
Peace.
frodo441 said,
December 11, 2007 at 7:42 am
yeh but to me…it’s just more of that MSRD stuff of staph that so many people when they first realize the nature of “harmless” flora…innocuously or maybe not alittle bit…
I guess it’s just commentary about the edifices of the culture of “I did not Know that”…go figure…who will we find to blame more of the unpleasant aspects in life that are so “Universally ” perfectly “Devine”…
frodo441 said,
December 11, 2007 at 7:52 am
Constructively positive things are good socially amenable…commentary so much commentary…but is it really baptized in unaware “fire”…such is life at some point many people have to realize there just not the same anymore and continue on…blessings can be disguised beyond the “normal” scope of mere respectable conventions …not that socialites must defer for the sake of expediency in communications…nor anyone who finds themselves in the committee chambers…for correctness, I don’t believe that…but a wrench in the mechanism sends every one scurrying for cover…
frodo441 said,
December 11, 2007 at 7:55 am
…while pandering takes many subtle social forms in interaction I wouldn’t be too adjudicating…a subtle hint should suffice to offer the esteem for one another in that it shows you respect their individuality and like to play…
Phineas Gage said,
December 12, 2007 at 12:55 pm
Dearest frodo441,
Have you now, or have you ever been, officially diagnosed with some form or variant of schizophrenia?
The reason the question bears relevance is that barring any serious underlying medical phenomena, your comments are extremely detracting. Injecting barely deciferable and ambiguous ramblings into what is otherwise a coherent and “down to earth” blog should be a crime. I don’t know why Megan hasn’t blocked you from posting, yet, but I wish she would. Soon.
Megan and Anh>> Phineas -you made us both belly laugh right now.
I haven’t bothered to block because I didn’t have the energy yesterday, and also out of fear that I just plain wasn’t smart enough to understand what was being said, while everyone else was like “Yea Verily!”.
As you know though, I try to be kind, benevolent and loving. All things come have their limits.
So, if the stream continues, blocking and deleting will commence. With Extreme Prejudice.
Phineas Gage said,
December 12, 2007 at 2:17 pm
Fair enough.
Actually, frodo441′s comments on the “FAQ – Updated” page have clearly crossed to line from value-add to plain ol’ vandalism.
Do us all a favor and cleanse them.
Megan >> Frodo, this is fair warning. I will be nice and not delete, but no more flowery graffiti, huh? I love comments, love to hear what people have to say, but when they are unparseable, its not a value add…..
Caz said,
December 30, 2007 at 8:26 pm
I’ve been reading your blog since Valleywag let loose your info, and thought you might find this movie useful if you haven’t already seen — done by a former coworker and filmed on friends. It’s an interesting peek into how children learned to understand the concept of transgender:
http://www.nodumbquestions.com/
Constance Reader said,
January 8, 2008 at 12:50 pm
I also read about your blog on Valleywag, and I will now read your blog with great interest. VW made a point about the male-dominated corporate culture at Microsoft and I’d be interested in whether you experience that culture differently as a woman and you did as a man. I’m particularly interested because I am a woman in a female-dominated industry with a company whose corporate culture is extremely casual, both of which circumstances seem to be unusual. So while I can imagine such a different corporate culture as Microsoft is described, I’ve no experience of one myself.
Best of luck for you in the New Year, Megan. Higher-Power-of-Choice grant us all the courage to live our truths as you do.
Megan>> The culture issue is a really interesting one. As for Microsoft, I think it less about gender and more about style, the number of women in tech in general, and also tenure (when it comes to the number of senior women v. men).
As for style, the culture has definately changed in a lot of ways, but not completely. It used to be VERY common that the “loudest voice wins” (or most stubborn), but there’s been a lot of cultural change (by not rewarding this behavior, and also rewarding behaviors like “Making others great”). I won’t say thats not the case any more, but its less frequent, and its something that senior management and HR takes very seriously. The problem (and I have to generalize here – and this is VERY general), is that more men were comfortable with the old school style, and more women were uncomfortable with it.
Microsoft hires a ton of people from college, and if you look at general stats for men v. women graduating in CS or related fields, its low, and not getting better. I believe (I don’t have the stats in front of me), that Microsoft in general has about (if not better) analogous percentages of women as are in the field overall. This does vary from group to group, but on whole, its not outrageously different.
As for the number of senior (partners and VPs) – there’s two two issues – the first one is that in general, most of the senior positions are filled with long-tenured employees. The balance between men and women was worse ten years ago, so it stands to reason that because of that, there would be fewer senior women.
As it relates to me in particular, I’m not sure if I’m going to get a real true read here. Its very important to note that I have NEVER noticed overt discrimination based on race or gender. I have noticed folks not being as open to different styles – but thats has gotten better. As I’ve talked a lot about in this blog, I’ve intentionally tried (still trying) to change my style to be more open and transparent, and being better at listening… However, I have the ability, like it or not to “put on” the old school style when working with folks who are expecting that.
We’ll see how that changes over time!
- Megan
Vee Vee said,
January 10, 2008 at 1:17 am
Looking good, Megan. Kinda got a Sela Ward thing going on. Props to Dr. O.
Take care.
Sandy said,
March 7, 2008 at 2:23 am
Congratulations, Megan! Just saw your piece on ABC’s WWN. Being a post-op myself I wish you all the best. It is good to see that more of us are getting positive words out to the world. Hugs, from Sandy in NOLA
Other Half said,
March 7, 2008 at 11:15 pm
Saw you both several times around LaQuinta. (I’m a TCN spouse.) I didn’t know your story, and wasn’t expecting to see it on TV a few days later! (Great picture of you outside the event, BTW) What comes to mind is a conversation I had with a friend of mine several years ago that has never left me. She said–You know, people love their kids unconditionally, but you don’t love your spouse unconditionally. That always irritated me, like a sliver under the skin. From time to time I would think, if that’s true, I wonder what the conditions are? I’m at peace with it now, because I know she was wrong. You CAN love your spouse unconditionally. It’s a choice, just like any other. And for that, my heartiest congratulations to you both on choosing yours unconditional and therefore the purest to be found. I think of you now when I hear this song:
I hope you take this in the spirit that I intend: I always want you to feel you’re Amazing.
Next year, in Victoria BC, I’ll stop to say hello.
ToddR said,
March 10, 2008 at 4:41 pm
Megan,
As a former editor on the WinClient SDK team and as a person who has had someone fairly close to me go through the transgender process (my old boxing coach Cappy, whom I respect more than I can express here) I’d just like to offer my congratulations to you for having the courage to make this incredible change in your life. Too many people live out their lives without ever having the courage to make the changes that they know would make them better, happier, more complete human beings and 99% of those changes pale in comparison to the changes you’ve made.
I am also proud to work for a company such as Microsoft that *truly* values diversity and supports its employees’ positive lifestlye changes, however alien they may appear to others.
All the best.
ToddR
JJ said,
March 14, 2008 at 5:55 pm
Megan,
I saw your story on the nightline website. Congratulations on your transition and I am pleased that it is going well. I am a M to F transgendered person as well. I own my own consulting company, so transition (in progress) at work has not been too much of a problem. I have not figured out how to transition with clients, associates, my consultants, etc. I am looking to network with executives and entrepreneurs that are transgendered as it is not an easy path for a business owner.
I realize that you are probably inundated with messages since the TV broadcast, but if you would be interested in an email or a phone conversation, please send me an email.
Thanks and best wishes,
jj
Ted Thomas said,
March 25, 2008 at 6:36 pm
You are familiar, I assume, with the amelogenin sex marker. As you may know, it is used in law enforcement DNA records as a marker for sexual identity, among other things. This means it is admissible as evidence in court.
Which marker do you have?
Unless your’s have changed, you are a male doing a fairly convincing masquerade of being a female. Is this legal? (apparently) Practical? (depends) Honest? (not in the women’s locker room shower at the gym) Sad?
You have not convinced me you are a woman, sir. You have convinced me of this, however.
…You are seriously confused.
Ted Thomas [real name]
P.S. A brief scan of this site reveals very few comments which aren’t along the lines of “you go girl…”. Although you might not be into flaming and defacing the websites of others, many in the gay/lesbian community are. Therefore, the e-mail above is fake, and the URI blank. I will check back in 3 days. If this comment is gone, your thoughts will be clear. If you ask, I will post a real e-mail. If you couldn’t care less, so be it.
Megan>> Free speech zone… posted, unedited.
I had not heard about the amelogenin sex marker, but researching here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Y_chromosome
and
http://www.cstl.nist.gov/biotech/strbase/sextype.htm
It seems to be a marker on the Y chromosome. Yes, I have a Y chromosome, so therefore I have this marker. And? Are you asserting that chromosomal gender is the only gender? What about androgen insensitivity? I’d assert that your statement that its used for “sexual identity” is not totally accurate. It’s possible to use it to determine genetic sex – which isn’t == identity.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Testicular_Feminization
Are they not women?
As for flaming others, I do not. I don’t believe it in.
As for trying to convince you – I wouldn’t even try to do such a thing – I’m only posting my own thoughts.
I’m not really sure why you think I’m confused…. do you think that all trans-folk are confused, or just me?
As for the email – only I see that, the name and the URI get posted. your call if you want to be anonymous or not.
On the topic of comments you are right, they are mostly positive. Thats what’s gotten submitted. I have only ever not posted *one* comment, because it was totally inappropriate. There are at least three comments that were strongly negative. Search for “Dave” and “Dave too”, and you will find them along with my response.
karyn said,
March 26, 2008 at 7:05 am
Why the hell do people focus on the bathroom issue as thought we are looking to sneak into some secret club? The reality of it is simple, there’s never been a single documented case of a Transgender person causing any kind of safety issue in a public restroom
Not long ago up in the white Mountains they did catch a heterosexual male in the public outhouse. He was down in the pit looking up as the women did their .. Well you know .. absolutely disgusting ..
Fact~ Most issues to womens safety are caused by predatory heterosexual males…get off the bathroom issue, it is weak.
Think of it this way.. How are you going to feel when a TG women walks into the mens room? Probably very unhappy …