December 12, 2007

“Do you know why I call you Megan?”

Posted in family, Nordstrom, PEPS, transgender, Vegas at 9:39 pm by Michael

That question was posed to me by Anh today. Super interesting reason, but you’ll have to read (or at least scroll) to near the end.

Note that the pictures page is updated – same series as always, front, both profiles. I took a full body pic as well, but I didn’t like it so I didn’t post it. Too bad. When I get one I like, then I will. Anh and I get dolled up tomorrow night for a company Holiday Dinner, so maybe I’ll post something from that. If there are no “Crappy Looks”

Crappy Look Counter is still at 5… no change since Monday.

Anh and I (and Samwich) are going to Vegas next Monday/Weds. Why? Some sort of convention? NO WAY! We are going to eat (lots – or at least as much as I can?), drink, gamble and shop. (Samwich gets a sitter for the non-kid-friendly bits – same one as always…) Standard Vegas trip for us – this is a cheap time of year, we usually do it in this timeframe (and lots of other timeframes too). THAT will be interesting to see how that goes. I don’t know if the crappy look counter will spike or flatline. Stay tuned.

Ok, so this morning we continued with the “Wow, we have a ton of stuff to do!” escapade, and since today Anh had to do online training for her volunteer tax preparation gig, I took Samwich to PEPS (or post-Peps). PEPS is a parent/baby group that’s county-run (http://www.pepsgroup.org/familyresources/newparentguide.htm). Basically, its local to your community, and a weekly, moderated discussion about being a parent and having a baby. Highly recommended for new parents, esp. first timers, but even for all your kids. You get to see other kids and how they are simul-developing (cuz there’s an age range for each group that’s only about 4-6 weeks), and also just talk to and hear from other parents (usually moms) and what they are doing, and how they are dealing – because its hard raising kids!

Anh is a member of a group right in our neighborhood and has really enjoyed it. This was my first ever meeting, even with three kids. Dads do go at times, and are always welcome, but its infrequent. I had just met most of these folks Sunday (see Sunday post), and we had a great time at the holiday party, so it was awesome to see them in a new context. Again, great time – good baby talk, good to see the other babies and what they are doing, great to hear how other moms (all moms today) do stuff, and good just to chat w/new people (I love to chat f2f!). There was even a little trans-talk at the end – we got there because we were talking about schedules, and I was talking about our pre-surgery schedule which most mornings included running w/Samwich and how he napped. I commented that I couldn’t run for a while (another month), and one of the people asked why, which turned into what I had done, which turned into a ton of thoughtful questions like “What will Samwich call you, and what do the older kids call you, and how do you introduce yourself?” (In short, Maddy, Daddy, “Parent of”, but if asked Who’s Their Daddy, I say “ME!”).

What I’ve found is when people take the time to ask really good questions it means that they are interested and they care, and that says a lot. Our deal here is different than most – I get it – but I got treated like one of the “Moms”. It was super fun. I loved it. I felt at home, at ease, and deeply respected. Thanks again, PEPS QA moms, you all are very special people.

I got home from that, all energized and feeling great, Anh was home doing her deal, and feeling great. (I know-BO-RING), then my clothes came from Nordy’s down in SFO – as promised – AWESOME! (See “Last Full Day in SFO” post for more Nordstrom Personal Shopper info – short version – DO IT!)

I then cleaned out my closet. Big deal, right? Well, this is where I got rid of 100% of my guy stuff. All in bags, ready for donation, post the family-pick-over. I also put a lot of my women’s clothes that weren’t “right” in that stack too. Talk about cleaning out your closet. I thought this might be emotional, but if anything it was way more fun than any closet clean I’ve done before. Zero Tears. And its way clean, which got me at *least* a smile from the lovely, and every-day-more talented Anh-O.

As I finished up with that, we decided to have dinner at home (still people working in the house – blinds and a Murphy bed today), so I went to the store, and then Anh made dinner (her version of Pad Thai (family fave) – its chewier, spicier, crunchier – bet you didn’t know that in addition to everything else great about Anh-O, she’s a fantastic cook.

So we sit down, are eating, almost done, and she says:

“Do you know why I call you Megan?”

Now, some short background. We talked about this A LOT “Before”. She had said that post transition that it was going to be hard to do. One of the reasons for the “Hall Pass for Calling me Michael” thing was that I thought Anh might have to do this for a while, and I didn’t want her to be the only one who had “Permission”. So, I was prepared.

But an amazing thing happened – ever since I came out from the first surgery, she has always (everyone goofs – including me), has called me “Megan”, “She”, “Her”, etc…

So, I wasn’t sure about this question, other than the obvious “It’s my legal name, duh?” But it was clearly deeper than that.

So I said, honestly “No, I don’t.”

She said: “Well, when you were in your first surgery, I was talking to people, in person and on the phone. All of a sudden I figured out that everyone else is going to get their clues from me about how to treat you – just like in everything – they get their clues from you and me first. But on this one, for you to be “Megan” and “She” to everyone else, I needed to start from me. So, I decided that to make this work, it was the only way, even though it was hard. But today, I don’t even think about you as Michael. I said goodbye to Michael the Sunday before. You are Megan to me – just Megan, and I love YOU and am proud to be with you.”

“Wow, you are amazing. I know how hard that was. Thank you, and as always, I love you!”

I can’t add anything to that it is so good.

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4 Comments »

  1. Leslie Evans said,

    You are very, very lucky, to have Anh!

  2. Eric said,

    Awesome!

  3. Mad said,

    Anh is an amazing person. Wow.

    I think it is also cool that Daniel will grow up only knowing you as Megan. Anh’s consistency will help him know you, as you, as Megan.

  4. Sheila said,

    Hi there!

    I’ve been reading your blog for a couple weeks, but this is the first time I really felt compelled to comment. This entry made me cry – you’re an inspiration, for not only going through this process, but for going through it publicly. And to that end, the people in your life sound fantastic; Anh sounds like an absolutely amazing partner. Thanks so much.


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