January 14, 2008
Anh and I get lots of questions about how we made it through this as a couple.
Here’s a few of our “Rules” that have helped.
A couple caveats: We make mistakes, just like everyone else (see rule #2) – so these aren’t always followed. Second, this is likely not a complete list.
In any case, here’s our list.
1 Honest. Brutally Honest.
2. We all make mistakes. Admit them, and fix it.
3. No Wallowing
4. Solutions not Problems
5. If you aren’t ashamed, don’t act like you are ashamed
6. The middle sucks. Don’t be in the middle any longer than you need to.
7. Be yourself. Yourself isn’t the TG part, it’s the “self part”.
8. Find time to be a couple. Date night is great. We run 4+ days a week and talk. This is huge.
9. Admit what’s hard.
10. Say when you are in love and happy. You are together for a reason, right?
11. Know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Delegate the right problem to the right partner.
12. Be happy with yourself first, everything else will follow.
13. Treat and evaluate everyone (family included) as they are, not as you want them to be. I.E. Don’t take any shit that you don’t deserve.
14. Strategize, talk and scheme. Be willing to talk through how to solve problems.
15. Explicitly talk about who is responsible for what (e.g., how to deal with an awake baby at 2am)
16. As Feynman said “Why do you care what other people think?” (it wasn’t actually Feynman, it was said to him by someone serving him tea when he asked for milk AND lemon – but, you get the point.)
17. While you may disagree on stuff – thats for private. In public, let there be no daylight between and betwixt you.
18. Honest. Brutally honest.