January 23, 2008

What Was Up with Your Crazy Outfit on the Last Video?

Posted in transgender at 8:59 pm by Michael

Ok, lots of people asked about what I was wearing, and gave feedback on how I kind of looked like crap (my words, not theirs) in the video on Sunday night.

Here’s the deal… those were my running clothes. I hadn’t taken a shower (hair issues), and I hadn’t changed. I was also wearing my running watch.

I did mention that I was somewhat disappointed that I didn’t *pass* more often. I wasn’t referring to *that video*.

This whole “Passing” thing is not only hard, but it’s a series of pretty significant tradeoffs. For me, obviously, I’m certainly not trying to hide my past, and in fact, I’m trying to embrace it.

As a result, I’ve intentionally decided that there are at least three things from my past that I’m not willing to change on this adventure. Call me crazy, FFS is okey dokey, but the following things, not okey dokey.

Wedding Ring: My wedding ring is very special to me. As I’ve said, Anh is my partner till we are dust. I very fondly remember our wedding day. It was an amazing day, and a great party. My wedding ring is made out of titanium, symbolizing both strength and persistence, but also because I’m a pilot, and planes are made of titanium. After my first surgery, Anh got me an additional diamond band that I wear outside/stacked with my wedding ring. I love it. A lot. Getting a new wedding ring would seem not right. I love that day, love the ring, and most of all love Anh.

Watch: I mostly wear a watch that my parents gave me as a college graduation present. Its not huge, but its not feminine either. I got another watch from Anh as a wedding present that’s bigger and more masculine that I haven’t really worn yet, but I do plan to wear it when I fly (it’s a pilot watch). When I run or hike, I wear an inexpensive digital plastic watch. I don’t plan on getting a new watch….

Voice: Some TG folks either do voice training or even some attempt surgery on their vocal cords to change the pitch of their voices. I *could* do this, but I choose not to. I like my voice… I’m not interested in changing it.

Fundamentally, I realize that I’m in neither camp right now… I’m not in a checky box… I’m in the whitespace between them.


It is what it is…



  1. Laura Moncur said,

    We girls are scrutinized ALL the time. Out on a run. At the grocery store. At the gym. Picking up the kids from school. ALL the time.

    The most feminine running watch is the Timex Ironman 50 Sleek. It comes in pink. GET THE PINK and match your running clothes with it.

    If you need the HRM, then your only feminine choice is the Nike Imara. It’s the closest thing to a girly HRM watch I can find.

    Your wedding ring is perfectly beautiful and simple. Don’t change it. The rings with the huge ole diamond just seem like they’re trying to prove something.

    Actually, your voice is fine. It’s more feminine than Kirstie Alley’s voice.

    The little details like watches, shoes and purses are the things that make people look at you a little longer. You pass for a woman and then your watch might catch their eye and they don’t quite know what to think.

    Natural born girls have this problem as well. I have to consciously choose “girly” things so that I don’t seem too butch. Finding a good watch that appeals to my gadget love AND my aesthetic appeal has been unfruitful, but I keep looking.

    There’s a reason why little girls go through a purse phase and a high heel phase and a dress up phase. We are taught from a VERY young age WHAT being a girl is all about. Even worse, during junior high and high school, we are held under a red hot flame of scrutiny from other girls EVERY day.

    Then again, if you go overboard, it looks like you’re trying too hard. It’s a VERY difficult rope to walk and we just want to help you along.

    Sending good karma your way.

  2. marc said,

    What ? The only comments you got were about how you dress up ?
    I didn’t notice the watch or the clothes before you mentionned it (but again, I’m a guy and not very akind to such detail 🙂

    Sad to see that apperances count more that the message …

    ( I worked in your org a while ago – didn’t really knew you though )

    BTW, no FSM category ?

    Megan>> I get lots of comments… I did get a bunch of in-blog and out of blog comments about the video related to what I was wearing, but not as many about the content. I did think the content was interesting though, you?

    I was honestly just trying to address the comments… I did bring it on by mentioning not passing all the time.

    As for the FSM category… oh FSM, could I go on about that…. I was attempting to not go nuts and only have one super controversial subject (primarily) on the blog. But hey, atheists (or Pastafarians) are people too, but unfortunately not according to Mitt Romney

    “Freedom requires religion just as religion requires freedom. Freedom opens the windows of the soul so that man can discover his most profound beliefs and commune with God. Freedom and religion endure together, or perish alone. “

    I remember you Marc – thanks for the comment!

    – Megan

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