May 12, 2009

Jennifer Finney Boylan On Trans-Marriage

Posted in family, life, transgender at 9:03 pm by Michael

Fascinating NY Times Opinion article by Jennifer Finney Boylan.

Here.

Jennifer’s book – “She’s Not There” was super helpful to me and my family, and was a great support to me in coming to grips with the duality of being transgendered and still wanting (deeply) to stay married to Anh.

In the opinion article she discusses the complexity of marriage laws for transgendered folks and the insanity that can sometimes ensue.

Society benefits when people are co-dependent on each other, and not just on the larger society. Marriage codifies that. (Yes, I realize that marriage started as a patriarchical institution that effectively made women property of men. I’m not advocating that type of relationship, but rather a true joining of equals.)

The situations that Jennifer describes are clearly complex… worth a read! Maybe even deliver an (anonymous) copy to your favorite co-worker, neighbor, or government official who may be thinking about this issue in a less-than-open way.

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Anthem?

Posted in life, transgender at 8:50 pm by Michael

Last Friday, I got into my car to go to work, and the radio popped on (surprise!). A song came on that I had remembered – but never knew who sang it, or what the title was. Through the magic of Digital Radio (not as cool as the Magic of the Internet – but still), the radio told me that it was “The Middle” by “Jimmy Eat World”.

Catchy… like it.

Never really understood the words…. Caught a few….

…It just takes some time.. in the middle – in the middle

That night when I went home, I got it from Amazon MP3 Download (love the service – no DRM – plays everywhere). Here’s the link if you want to play along.

I listened to it a few more times over the past week… liked it more. Started to understand the words…

It just takes some time,  little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everthing, everything it’ll be just fine
Everything, everything it’ll be alright (alright)

This morning I was running in yet another hotel on yet another treadmill (interesting image, huh?). Was in the last two minutes of my run, and it came on again. I turned up the speed (6.5, I’m slow!), and ran out the song (extra quarter mile!).

I really listened this time.

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just try your best, try everything you can
And don’t you worry what they tell themselves
When you’re away.

It just takes some time, little girl in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything will be just fine
Everything, everything it’ll be alright (alright)

Hey, you know they’re all the same
You know you’re doing better on your own (on your own)
So don’t buy in.
Live right now
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn’t matter if it’s good enough
For someone else

It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everthing, everything it’ll be just fine
Everything, everything it’ll be alright (alright)

It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride
Everything, everything it’ll be just fine
Everything, everything it’ll be alright (alright)

Hey, don’t write yourself off yet
It’s only in your head you feel left out
Or looked down on
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don’t you worry what the bitter hearts, are gonna say

It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything it’ll be just fine
Everything, everything it’ll be alright (alright).

It just takes some time, little girl you’re in the middle of the ride (over, and over)
Everything, everything It’ll be just fine (over, and over)
Everything, everything it’ll be alright (alright)

This song…. it’s pretty connected to how I feel about my transition.

And, it made me run faster (maybe to get out of the middle?)